The Cast: Moose

When Robie was born, his head looked like an aspirin. My sister Rene had complications right up to the bitter end in fact. He was to be born premature and refused to come out; it was because of this, that the doctor had to pull out the Shop-Vac and suck that little rascal out. It was due to the vacuum that caused the elongation of his head and being inexperienced, I remember looking at my mom and whispering "Uhhhhm, is it gonna stay like that??? Ya know??". Hahahaha she assured me that it would not and after a few short weeks I fell in love with a beautiful, perfect skulled first nephew.

Of course I am biased, because he is mine, but he was soooo adorable and we all fought over him when he was an infant. Tiffany used to smother the boy when he got a little bit older asking him always "Who is the cutest nephew, ever in life?!" and he would only stay long enough to smile and answer "me", before scurrying off. I, myself took a slightly different approach.....I had that "get outta here kid, ya bother me" type relationship. It was this starvation for his uncle's attention that made my sweet Goose want to cling to my side and I loooooooooooved it. Tiff used to always say " I don't know why he always wants to be around you, you are so mean to him." All strategy and it paid off, just like I knew it would.

Robie grew up quick from the 2 year old TV Toddler that loved the Sit and Sleep commercial, because his favorite was exclaiming "or your mattress is fweeeee!" into a cute OCD kid obessed with skateboards and washing his hands. His heart so big, with his best friend always being Cheyenne, even being 6 years his elder. I knew he was special, when he was 7 and cancelled a trip to Disneyland when he realized that Cheyenne had practice and she wouldn't be able to make it; I thought, what a little weirdo as I put my Mickey ears away for the day, but it truly made my heart smile at the amount of love he had in his heart for his sissy.

Oh where did the time go Moose, already playing high school football, your voice has changed and even have a little stache hahaha. It seems like only yesterday, you were in 7th grade and whenever I asked "hey, do you have hair under your arms yet?" you would smile and say "no, I wish!". You have made me proud over and over again from being a star athlete to your many academic achievements. Despite all of the changes and growing that you have done, there are still some things that have remained constant, your best friend is still your big sister, you are just as entertaining today as you were when you were that 3 year old begging for my attention and you still have such a beautiful heart of gold. Remember, you are never too old to give your favorite uncle hugs n kisses and if you think that you are, I will hang you from your wedgie on a flagpole in front of your school. Love you always and I'm so glad your little Tylenol head went back to normal.

Release....

I wish I was standing on top of a tall gogo box as we speak breaking it down for all to see and that my performance at work was based on my vast knowledge of the Spice Girls and the history of the American Musical.

I want to live in a world where there was never a doubt by a friend or family member that I don't love them to the point of exhaustion and that there is no length I wouldn't go to prove it. A life where eating Sour Patch Kids and drinking Pepsi didn't break down the enamel on your teeth or make you look fat in your jeans.

I long to have the ability to enjoy your company and when things get to be too much then you won't be offended when I crank up the music and start dancing on table and the harder I danced the quicker you forgot what upset you in the first place, until you joined in the dance.

I embrace sorrow.

No,I wouldn't get rid of sadness, I like being sad, it makes it so much better when things get good again. I wish no one was alone and that it was socially acceptable to hug strangers, even if they were poor or dirty.

I want more than anything for you to believe me when I look you in the eye and say that you are amazing and the second you start to feel insecure, that you put down your Pepsi and Sour Patch kids and join me on my box for a spin. Don't over think it, just breathe in and let go......

Hold my hand forever?

So I have a question.......

Which is better......someone who sweet and kind, yet from time to time has crazy thoughts flash through their mind or someone who is not as nice, but says what they want when they want?

I was scratching my head the other day, after reading what was an amazing lists of tremendous birthday wishes, all of which made me feel absolutely warm n fuzzy and I noticed there were some reocurring themes. Adjectives used like nicest, kindest, sweetest, funniest and as good as it made me feel, I couldn't help but ponder....oh boy, if they only knew what runs through me bloody head sometimes LOL. I try to live my life like this every day, I strive to be the change that I would like to see in the world, but I can't lie, sometimes I want to run people's faces over or give em' a swift kick in the teeth when they've got it coming to them. Sometimes people irk me to no end, but they might never know, because I just think if it's not positive and not moving us forward then why bother???

Then that also got me thinking, what about the folks that do say what's on their mind. Is it really bad that someone might shoo someone else away or at least find a way to let them know they might not enjoy their presence? Is it really worth gasping over when I read someone's facebook post and think, dude that is sooooo mean and I would never publish something like that; even though I have thought about the very same thought before?

Then I got to thinking even further....Oh myyyyy, maybe I am this 2 faced goody goody liar pants and am not the sweetest or kindest person ever hahaha. Oh brother!!!

The Cast continued: All I know is that I love you already

I always said that after my dear sweet Cheyenne and Robie that I don't know that there was room in my heart to love another; they fill my heart to the point I feel like it's going to explode and I just didn't think it was possible, but ever since I heard the news you have proven me wrong.

I am so excited to know who you are and what you will become......will you be naturally beautiful like your mother or will you have a keen impeccable sense of fashion and taste like me? Will you sing like my punkin pie or will you be an athlete like my goose???

Maybe you will be something different and do something that the Carrillo clan has yet to see; I just hope that you get enough of the cool me before I transition to a much older non cool adult =).

At the end of the day though whomever you are, wherever you go, whatever you become, all I know is that I love you already and I saved a spot in my heart for you.

Uncle J.R.

The Cast Part 3...........My Dear Sweet Mom

Under normal circumstances, when one hears the phrase "God's gift" it has an immediate, negative connotation, but there is no other explanation for such an amazing being in the Lord's own likeness than my mother. It is now March 22nd and with your birthday being tomorrow there is not a birthday card that could even come close to expressing my love or gratitude for the joy you have shared with me all my life. For this reason I shall take a stab at an open birthday card:

For someone who has never had to work, you are the hardest working female I have ever met in my life. If I were a boss and were evaluating your performance you would far exceed expectations, because while you did the normal mommy things like get us ready for school every day, you always went above and beyond. Like when you used to warm my shirts over the stove on cold morning so my clothes were nice toasty (We live in Southern California for Pete's sake, how spoiled was I?) You didn't teach us about family, charity and the importance of unconditional love to prepare us for the world; we learned, because it is how you live every day of your life and inspired us to fall in line. You are the most selfless person I have ever encountered by a mile and God bless your humble heart and soul Mom.

It fills my heart with overwhelming happiness to know you belong to this family, and at the same time I want nothing more than to share you with everyone else so they can get even a glimpse at what I have come to know. You were a mother to my sisters and I and then when we got older, you became a mom and a mentor to our friends. Then you gracefully slipped into grand motherhood and bestowed your love on a new generation. Just when you think there is no where left to go, I realize that life has come full circle and watching you take care of my grandparents is truly admirable. I watch you now warm my grandpas pjs before he goes to bed at night and I am constantly amazed, it melts my heart and I am honored to bare witness to that kind of love.

At the end of the day, I think that what is most impressive is that it all comes from your enormously pure heart. You don't anything, because you have to, you do things because it is the right thing to do and I know you were put on this earth to set that example. Don't think for a second that I don't know that when you blew out your candle tonight that whatever wish was on your heart, that you probably made a wish for someone else.

Mom, thank you, thank you, thank you for being such a stellar example of a true humanitarian; there is not a gift or words that can express my gratitude for all of the gems you have provided for me and my charmed life. All I can say (as I wrap up on my tear filled keyboard) is that I love you with all of my heart, I am humbled to be a part of your life and if I can accomplish only the tiniest portion of what you have in my life then I will have been a success.

Love always,

Your number 1 son,

J.R.

Oh Wait.....Happy Birthday =)

The Cast Part 2..............July and Vera

A friend saw my grandparents walking together and said "Awww that is so cute, I don't think I have ever seen your grandparents holding hands before" to which I immediately replied "Awwww, they're not, she's just holding his belt loop so she doesn't fall down!" Enter.....July and Vera. For as long as I have been around, my grandparents have always slept in separate bedrooms, been at each others throats, but been the quintessential loving old couple whenever it counted.

July- Always had a pocket full of quarters and a never ending supply of one liners to bring a smile to any one's face. When I was little, we would spend the night, I would always run straight upstairs and reach in his chest of drawers to play his harmonica; if I think hard enough I can still taste the metal when I would press it to my lips. Always an early riser, he would wake us up at 5 am and walk us across the street to the bakery; I used think he was magic the way he would tear bread and the pigeons would come flocking down to feed at our feet. Growing up, he would never miss a football game, a soccer tournament, choir performance you name it; just being there was never enough either, you could catch him at anytime bragging to a stranger close by that it was his granddaughter or grandson on the field. He is a decorated WWII veteran, but you would never know, because as long as I have known my grandpa, it has never been about him, but everything about his family. I am so happy that not only myself, but that Chey and Robie have been able to share him for as long as we have and when he moves from this life to the next there will be a whole in all of our hearts that no one could ever fill.

Vera- "Oh shut up Julio, you're such a Harvey!" are words that will warm my heart for life; this is how I will always remember my grandma. I know who my mom takes after, because growing up she was always ready with every hair in place when we'd come over; if she was not ready then she was getting ready, penciling her eyebrows in, until she got them tattooed of course! Not your typical gram, she didn't cook much, but can make breakfast potatoes like no other and always had cheese whiz in her pantry which you would never find in Pearl's pantry. I feel like I get my sass and snootiness from her, but always good, because as prim and proper as she was, she would surprise you sometimes. I can remember being in high school and her talking about one of my cousins and she said "Well, I think he's pussy whipped" and I almost passed out from laughing and she said "well, isn't that what they call it???" I can always count on her to catch up on who got the boot from American Idol or who's hookin up with who on Grey's Anatomy. She is one of the strongest females that I have had the pleasure of being influenced by and I love her immensely.

July and Vera- Oh sure, if you pay em' a visit on any given day and you are there long enough you might hear....
Gramp:"In other words mijo, your grandma is a mean person and I can't wait to get home and beat the shit out of her"
Gram: "Oh yesssss, I'm so sure, you're grandpa is such a dreamer!"
but let one of them be sick and they are lost without each other. If we were out to eat and the strolling mariachis play "La Mano de Dios" without fail, my grandpa's eyes would water and when it was over he would lean over and gives my grandma a kiss on the cheek. They may bicker, but at the end of day it is quite apparent that after 68 years of marriage that they are forever in love. These are my grandparents and they are the sweetest thing...........much love, J.R.

For your listening pleasure...........Quirk #127

Most people know that despite the fact that I am self proclaimed just OK driver, that I LOVE to drive and when I am a passenger I feel like I am useless and should be doing something. Did you know that 99% of the time, that before I pick you up that I have thought about what music should play, to set the mood for our trip? That's right friends............. tis' no coincedence then when I have to pick you up to go somewhere that you always catch the beginning of the song; most times if you have something exciting to share I will restart the song, never pause it, cause I feel like your story deserves a soundtrack and don't enjoy silence. Did you also know that it absolutely makes my skin crawl when people change my radio stations or pick up my iPod to look for something better to put on LOL Scary right?!?!? Don't be afraid to speak up though, I know it's my own weird anxiety I gotta work through..... I'm just sayin =)